Progress

Thank you for all the advice and suggestions regarding sleeping babes. I really enjoyed reading all of your thoughts, you all had good stuff to say and your words have really helped me as I'm beginning to teach my daughter to put herself to sleep.

I am pleased to report that we are having success - in fact, Vienna has put herself to sleep for two straight weeks now.

I really gave it a lot of thought and ultimately I didn't want to make a decision based out of frustration. I really think you were all right, that it depends on the child - and tuning into what your baby needs. I really thought about what it would be like to be her, I tried to put myself in her position - as a little babe, who doesn't know things like I do, whose senses are more alert than mine are and who is more sensitive to them. If I were her, what would I go through if I cried and cried and nobody came for me? I tested the waters twice before I wrote my previous post regarding the matter, and when she cried I could tell she was fearful - and when I finally went in to get her, her eyes were wild and she was scared. It was after this I really began to give it a lot of thought because my decisions are going to affect her development emotionally, as well as in every other way.

A certain friend gave me some great advice in where she talked about feeling empathy for your child and letting them know that you are there - even if that means not giving them what they want. And to be emotionally present as well as physically present. Taking this into consideration I kind of just went for it, I tried to tune into what I thought Vienna needed and made sure I was reacting out of love and with empathy, and it was rather interesting to see how well and quickly Vienna responded.

The first two days I stayed with Vienna until she fell asleep, nap times and bedtime. I did not rock her. Sometimes I needed to lay my hand on her to let her know I was there, sometimes just sitting next to the crib or lying with her was all she needed. She cried, a little, but not the extent of if I had left her alone. The first few times it took a little while for her to fall asleep, but I hoped that spending the time doing this and staying focused would pay off, and we quickly made progress. It was rather interesting to see the difference in Vienna when my own emotions changed - she responded so well when I was focused on her, being patient and loving, as to how much fussier she became when I got irritated and impatient. Now, two weeks later this is where we stand: I lay her down, make sure she has her pacifier and blankie - of course give her a kiss - and walk out the room. I usually have to go back a couple of times because her pacifier will fall out and she'll fuss for it, but then sometimes she goes to sleep straight from the beginning. Half of the time she puts herself to sleep just from the comfort of her pacifier and her blankie, without fuss. Yes! Success! The other 50% of the time she is a little worked up and stimulated where she won't settle down enough to lay still to fall asleep, so I will stay in there and keep my hand on her, by her face usually - she likes to hold my fingers to her cheek - and just spending a few minutes being with her comforts her enough for her to fall asleep - I almost always let go of my hold and walk out of the room before she's completely fallen asleep. Sometimes if she is really worked up I'll spend a couple of minutes rocking her to calm her wiggly body and then I will lay her down - and over the last two weeks I have discovered that she prefers not to be rocked to sleep, she gets to a point where she just wants to be put down.

So not only has nap-times and bedtimes become easier and less of a stress, but she is sleeping more soundly through the night because of it. I noticed a change through the night from the very first day. She is a lot less fidgety and is sleeping in longer chunks of time. On a normal night she gets up twice, though she's given me two nights in the past two weeks of only one nighttime feeding! And when she wakes up to feed, all I have to do is lay her back in bed and she falls asleep on her own. Yes!

So that's the update! I am so thankful. So thanks again, I really appreciate everyone for caring enough to respond, your input and encouragement was great and I am so happy that we're making progress!

Toe time

Vienna has recently discovered that she can reach her feet.

And has endlessly played with her toes ever since.

She plays with them all of the time....bath time, nap time...and every time between.

And sometimes she just likes to have her feet ready for when she does want to play with them. Goofy girl sits like this all the time...feet sticking straight out.

Baby toes. Just about the cutest thing ever.

What's the best way?

My house is a mess, dishes stacked on the counter and a to do list that doesn't seem to end... but here I sit, ready to blog - just because I want to. My daughter is sleeping, I've already got my run in and showered, so I'm putting the house work on hold, made myself a cup of coffee and here I am.

This week has been a stressful week in terms of sleep. Vienna has been a bear about nap times and waking up during the night. I'm not entirely sure if this is a result from being away from home for several days last week, or if it's just a new phase... but its tiring. It's got me thinking about the method of "letting your kid cry themselves to sleep," also known as the "ferber" method. I am undecided. I don't like the idea of letting my baby cry herself to sleep, but do I just feel that way because I'm a first time mom? Is it a healthy method? Or is there other ways? I know it's effective... so that is promising, but at what cost? I'm confused...

The other day I felt like I rocked Vienna the entire day. It would be one thing if she was happy when she doesn't get her naps in, or even being content sitting on my hip - but she's not, nothing makes her happy and I know sleep is the only cure. Anyways, it was a long day and I thought surely she was going to just pass out at her bedtime feeding. But, nope. Wide awake. Her bedtime is typically around 7pm, it was 11pm and I'd tried everything. I was laying in bed, rocking her in her bassinet - irritated. She was doing this thing that she'd fall asleep, and I thought...yes, success! And then fifteen minutes later (if that), she would wake up! Finally, I'd had enough, and I thought to myself..."Fine, I'm just going to hold her..." (We've slept many nights like this...me, cradling her in my arms while we lay down sleeping. I'm sure it's super comfy for Vienna, for mommy...not so much. But at least we both get some rest.) I picked her up, laid back down, snuggled her close and kissed her forehead over and over. She instantly stopped fussing, breathed a deep breath like she was sighing, and was still, as if to say, "That's all I wanted, Momma." I lay there for at least five minutes feeling guilty and thinking about how much I loved her and that I would hold her like that forever if that's what it took. I thought she was fast asleep, she wasn't moving a muscle or making a peep. I opened my eyes to steel a glance at her and was startled to find her wide-eyed, staring at me with the sweetest little eyes I've ever seen. I wondered how long she'd been looking at me...what was she thinking, I wonder? I can't even explain how much love I felt for her at that moment. And then, it didn't take long for both of us to fall asleep...

At times like that I can't bear the thought of letting herself scream herself to sleep. All she wanted was for me to hold her. I had to check my attitude, and give up my selfishness for what I wanted in that moment. And I find that I have to do that a lot, being a mom can wear you thin and for everything you're worth...but I find that when I check myself, my attitude, and take a step back - and then re-approach the situation at hand, things tend to work themselves out and everyone is much happier.

So, with that being said, am I contemplating letting her cry herself to sleep out of my own selfishness? Or, because that's what every parent needs to do at some point? Or, because it's what's best for her? I have no idea. I don't know what's the best way. So I guess I'm asking all you other mom's...what did you do? Did you have a baby that had to be rocked to sleep endlessly, how did you break that habit? And at what age? I don't intend to do anything as of yet, I feel like she's still a little young, but then really...what is a good age? If we did eventually decide to do the "ferber" method, I'm not entirely sure I can handle it...and I know Andy will be worse off than me, I'd have to put a lock on the door for him not to go in there. So I think deep down I really want to know of some better options... ?