Coffee...Pancakes...and a loose Sphincter

I pour myself a cup of coffee and take a sip, as I savor the warm liquid while it runs down my throat I think, "Ahh, there's nothing quite like this." A moment to myself. I take my cup to the table and sit down to enjoy a mid-morning pancake snack when I hear the baby stir through the monitor. I shove half a pancake in my mouth, hoping the baby will fall back asleep. He starts to cry.

I look at the clock, he's only been asleep for 30 minutes.

Its a new day, I got a decent amount of sleep the night before for a mom with a nine-week-old, my attitude is fresh, my energy is high...and with my savory cup of coffee in hand I can't help but look on the bright side of things. I rush into the room where my sweet baby is laying and attempt to soothe him back to sleep, anxious to get back to my coffee cup.

I succeed after a few minutes. Yes! And I sit down again to satisfy my growling stomach.

The pancake is halfway to my mouth when the baby cries again. Sigh. I go back to my stirring babe.

It takes longer to get him back to sleep, but I do. My luke-warm coffee is calling my name but this time I don't even get out of the room before he wakes up again.

So, I get him back to sleep...again.

And again...

...and again.

And I realize just how quickly I went from being hopeful and optimistic to feeling frustrated and exhausted.

This is my morning....that lasts all day long.

Two Three words: acid reflux, sucks.

It appears to be hitting a peak, which I've read is common around this age. Sigh. There is nothing quite like being thrown up on 15+ times a day--I can only imagine how terrible it is for him...

I try to remember that, his discomfort, when he's waking up constantly. Or when he squirms, fidgets and pulls away in the midst of nursing. Or at 3am when I get up for the third time that night and he throws up down my shirt and in my hair....

But it's hard.

Its hard to go from being so in love with the cute little boy that smiles and coos, to feeling frustrated and irritated that he won't stay asleep. It's hard to remember it isn't his fault when it's 6am and you maybe got a total of 3 hours of sleep since 11pm the night before. Or when you've put him back to sleep five times in an hour-and-a-half. It's hard to go from feeling hopeful for a solid nap to realizing that today was worse than yesterday. It's hard to feel like you couldn't possibly be any happier in life, then go to feeling like you can't possibly take another day of craziness. It's an emotional ride...to say the least...

No wonder I look like I stuck my finger in a light socket by the time my husband gets home.

It's such a shame because if my sweet boy didn't have an acid reflux problem he would be the easiest baby. He is so incredibly happy and content when his stomach isn't bugging him. He's full of smiles and coos and he especially loves to listen to his sister and his daddy talk to him. He rarely cries, even when he is uncomfortable. He puts himself to sleep (at the beginning of nap hour), and loves to be snuggled.

It's hard, and I crawl into bed at night entirely exhausted and wonder how will I do it all over again tomorrow? But somehow God gives me a new strength and energy every morning because I wake up and think that there simply cannot be any two better children in this whole world than my own.

And I find myself loving them even more than I did the day before. And I find myself excited and privileged to be their mom. And I find myself learning things about myself and about my children and I realize how exciting it is to grow as a family as well as improve as an individual. 

So, we will get through this. We'll take it day by day...I'll continue to remind myself to be present in each moment and to stop dwelling on the time or things that got lost or neglected. 

...Because a cup of coffee tastes great whether it's hot or cold...so why the heck should I care if I get to drink it right away or a little while later? 

"B"

I think "B" deserves his own post. I mean, he's been part of our lives for two-and-a-half years. He's seen us through sleepless nights, teething, pacifier weaning, sickness, potty training, car rides...you name it. He's Vienna's trusty blankie. 

She has been attached to him from the beginning. She cuddled with him when she as newborn, she loved the soft material against her face while she slept. Ever since then B has gone wherever Vienna has gone. She chewed on him while she teethed. She snuggled him every night, every nap time--its pretty much impossible for her to fall asleep without her B....

 

So after two-and-a-half years of that kind of toddler love...B is starting to look a little...worn:

And this is a good picture of him. If you could only smell him. And feel him. Lets just say....B doesn't have a lot of life left him. He's been through countless potty accidents. A vaseline mess. Sick nights. Dirty cars...you name it. 

This made me super sad. I know Vienna isn't even close to detaching from her B. But I shudder at the thought of snuggling him for another couple years...I mean, seriously, when you cuddle with your sweet girl and then she throws a nasty, stinky blankie next to your face so she can lean against you...it kind of ruins the moment. 

I can only imagine how many germs are wedged in all the little crevices and fibers of that thing.

I've done it before, with no luck, but I decided to see if there was any way I could find another one. The blanket is discontinued and when I looked awhile back the only duplicate I could find was on amazon for $60. Yeah, exactly...No way. It might be a special blankie...and it might be that gross, but $60 is just a little ridiculous. However, this time when I looked I happened to find one on ebay for a little less than half that price. To me it was still a lot of money for a blanket...especially since I had no idea if my plan would even work. But I went out on a limb and ordered it.

Vienna kept pointing out the rips and tears in her B and I kept telling her I was going to fix it. Hoping that perhaps this could play in my advantage when the new one arrived and especially since she seemed to be extremely concerned about the state of her B. 

When the new B came in the mail I instantly knew there was no way Vienna was going to swap her old one for this one. It smelt funny new, it was stiff, and bright. I had no clue how I was going to replace the old one for the new one...I knew reasoning with a toddler wasn't going to work, especially when Vienna has a meltdown every time B needs to have a "bath." So the new blanket sat in my laundry room for several days while I debated whether or not to return it. Finally I decided to throw it in with pretty much every load of laundry I did to try and "wear it in." Since Vienna constantly holds her B to her face and smells it...I knew I had to do something about that new stench. So I thought it would be a good idea to sneak the new blankie in bed with her at night after she fell asleep--when Finley got up to eat in the early morning hours I'd simply go back in and take him out...hoping that in doing so the new blanket would start to pick up that familiar smell. 

A good idea, right? I thought so. Except, three days after I started doing that I totally forgot to take him out when Finely got up to eat in the morning. I thought about it around 6am...and knew there was no way I could sneak him out without waking her up. This was going to be interesting...Vienna was going to discover she had two B's...how was I going to explain that one?

Like every morning, Vienna came stumbling into my room and came to my side of the bed. Like always, she was clutching her B, ready to crawl into bed with me and snuggle for a few short minutes before she would ask me to "be all done" (i.e. get up.) I was shocked when I saw that the blanket she was clutching was the new one! She didn't say a word about it and crawled into bed. 

No way. It was that simple?

Apparently. Before she had a chance to notice I snuck into her room and found the old B buried in her bedding. I think he got lost in the mess and when she got up she didn't even notice that there were two. 

The switch was made, by accident! Perhaps Vienna thinks that Mommy finally fixed her B. ???

Oddly enough when I found the old B lying, discarded in the bed, I was sad. Even though he stunk, looked bad, and totally grossed me out...I thought about all those moments that made him like that and I simply could no throw him away. Instead, I stuck him in a basket on a shelf and decided that I would have to make a decision about what to do with him later. That was a week ago...and I still cannot bring myself to toss him--even if Vienna is totally happy and in love with her new B. 

Silly, I know...I guess I'm just sentimental. 

I do have to say, however, that I am entirely glad to have a renewed life in B. He's still the same old B that goes everywhere with V...here's to a couple more years of life fluffy guy!

A Weekend Away

This past weekend Andy and I were able to get away for a bit of alone time. Well..."alone" meaning, us and Finley. :) We had a wedding reception to go to in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, and my mother-in-law offered for Vienna to come stay at her house for a day or so and then they would meet us in Wisconsin. So Andy and I took off a day early to get away from life at home and to spend some time alone.

Classic "start of the trip" photo shot

 Checking out the Leinenkugel brewery

Daddy and Finley at the sampling bar

 Leisure walk at Irvine park

One last attempt at a couple shot

Firstly...it is always so much fun to get away with my husband. We love our kids, but there is something priceless about being able to carry on a conversation without being interrupted several times. It's so important for a married couple to not get lost in the chaos of children...which is so easy to do. To stay connected and be able to invest in each other. 

Secondly...it is amazing how your perspective changes after adding another child to your family. It felt so much easier just having Finely to take care of then it felt when we just had Vienna as a baby. Its the simple fact of adjustment. Going from 0 to 1 child was an adjustment, 1 to 2 is an adjustment as well. So going from 2 to 1 for 48 hours made us feel like it was really "easy" to just have one kid. 

But man...I sure did miss this little girl.

So happy to be back together again.

(V's expression cracks me up in the picture!)

It was a fun time. :) For Us. For Vienna. For Grandma too (I think) ;) 

And for Finley as well, I'm sure he loved the extra attention.

And after a long drive we were all too happy to relax and be home...