Coffee...Pancakes...and a loose Sphincter

I pour myself a cup of coffee and take a sip, as I savor the warm liquid while it runs down my throat I think, "Ahh, there's nothing quite like this." A moment to myself. I take my cup to the table and sit down to enjoy a mid-morning pancake snack when I hear the baby stir through the monitor. I shove half a pancake in my mouth, hoping the baby will fall back asleep. He starts to cry.

I look at the clock, he's only been asleep for 30 minutes.

Its a new day, I got a decent amount of sleep the night before for a mom with a nine-week-old, my attitude is fresh, my energy is high...and with my savory cup of coffee in hand I can't help but look on the bright side of things. I rush into the room where my sweet baby is laying and attempt to soothe him back to sleep, anxious to get back to my coffee cup.

I succeed after a few minutes. Yes! And I sit down again to satisfy my growling stomach.

The pancake is halfway to my mouth when the baby cries again. Sigh. I go back to my stirring babe.

It takes longer to get him back to sleep, but I do. My luke-warm coffee is calling my name but this time I don't even get out of the room before he wakes up again.

So, I get him back to sleep...again.

And again...

...and again.

And I realize just how quickly I went from being hopeful and optimistic to feeling frustrated and exhausted.

This is my morning....that lasts all day long.

Two Three words: acid reflux, sucks.

It appears to be hitting a peak, which I've read is common around this age. Sigh. There is nothing quite like being thrown up on 15+ times a day--I can only imagine how terrible it is for him...

I try to remember that, his discomfort, when he's waking up constantly. Or when he squirms, fidgets and pulls away in the midst of nursing. Or at 3am when I get up for the third time that night and he throws up down my shirt and in my hair....

But it's hard.

Its hard to go from being so in love with the cute little boy that smiles and coos, to feeling frustrated and irritated that he won't stay asleep. It's hard to remember it isn't his fault when it's 6am and you maybe got a total of 3 hours of sleep since 11pm the night before. Or when you've put him back to sleep five times in an hour-and-a-half. It's hard to go from feeling hopeful for a solid nap to realizing that today was worse than yesterday. It's hard to feel like you couldn't possibly be any happier in life, then go to feeling like you can't possibly take another day of craziness. It's an emotional ride...to say the least...

No wonder I look like I stuck my finger in a light socket by the time my husband gets home.

It's such a shame because if my sweet boy didn't have an acid reflux problem he would be the easiest baby. He is so incredibly happy and content when his stomach isn't bugging him. He's full of smiles and coos and he especially loves to listen to his sister and his daddy talk to him. He rarely cries, even when he is uncomfortable. He puts himself to sleep (at the beginning of nap hour), and loves to be snuggled.

It's hard, and I crawl into bed at night entirely exhausted and wonder how will I do it all over again tomorrow? But somehow God gives me a new strength and energy every morning because I wake up and think that there simply cannot be any two better children in this whole world than my own.

And I find myself loving them even more than I did the day before. And I find myself excited and privileged to be their mom. And I find myself learning things about myself and about my children and I realize how exciting it is to grow as a family as well as improve as an individual. 

So, we will get through this. We'll take it day by day...I'll continue to remind myself to be present in each moment and to stop dwelling on the time or things that got lost or neglected. 

...Because a cup of coffee tastes great whether it's hot or cold...so why the heck should I care if I get to drink it right away or a little while later?