Do you ever feel like you have no idea what your doing? As a parent, I mean?
I do. In this specific situation, I have to admit I feel that way.
So here's the predicament: the pacifier. Its the culprit, that tricky little no-good-can't-live-without-you piece of plastic. Sigh.
I know everyone has their own opinion, and of course there is that good ol' truth that 'every kid is different'...with that said, this is where I stand: I have a love-hate relationship with the pacifier. Well, more of a hate at this particular moment in time. V has had her pacifier since she was 2 weeks old. At first I gave it to her only if she got really fussy and at bedtime/naptime. Then I started only giving it to her when she went to bed/nap. (And occasionally in public if she got real fussy and it was close to nap time.) There have been so many times that I've been so thankful that she took a pacifier, but in the back of my mind I was dreading the day I had to take it away.
I really didn't want her to have it long, I knew that the sooner I took it away the better. Her use of it began with a need, more than a choice on my part. Like a lot of babies, Vienna found so much comfort in sucking when she was first born, it was a fight to get her to take a pacifier instead of her fingers (I knew fingers would be harder to wean her from...and since I was a thumb-sucker as a child, I wanted to spare her of this.) In the back of my mind I'd always told myself that I'd wean her of the pacifier by the time she was a year-old. Hopefully.
Every day with children is different, there is no two days the same, and I've learned that when you think you've got something down...they change on you. Like sleeping.
Er...maybe we never really had that down.
Regardless. At first it was the rocking....check, got over that obstacle. We were in a great groove. For awhile.
But then something else becomes an obstacle...like nursing. Getting up to eat more frequently than necessary. Okay, finally got over that one too...we're in the clear.
Wrong.
Next, it's the pacifier. I really feel like she is dependent on it out of habit now, instead of sole comfort and need. Some nights I can't count on one hand how many times I get up out of bed, walk to her room and stick the pacifier back in her mouth because she woke up without it in...then she'd instantly go back to sleep. Recently it's been quite an issue. Which made realize that maybe it was time to take it away. My theory was that if I could get her weaned off her pacifier then she wouldn't wake up wanting it, and could potentially sleep through the night. Well...it's a theory at least...I have yet to see it happen.
It's only been a couple days...but it has been two of the longest days of my life. And I am contemplating wether this is worth it or not. I keep telling myself if I just give up and try again later then I have wasted all of this effort and it's all been for nothing. Sigh.
It makes me wish she never had it in the first place.
To make matters worse, she is sick...has a icky snotty nose. At first I was going to give her the pacifier because the poor thing is sick and what terrible timing is it on my part to make her go through the weaning process...but then, her nose was so stuffy that she couldn't really suck on it anyway... so that made me think maybe this IS the time. But geez...I feel like a mean mommy. It's been rough, and I'm trying to tune into her needs and am finding it hard to distinguish between sickness and/or lack of pacifier and what to do. I have no idea what I'm doing...if I'm doing this right...if I should just forget it...or....what. I don't know. I'm starting to think my daughter just doesn't like to sleep. Ever.
