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Thursday, September 16, 2010

The battle

Do you ever feel like you have no idea what your doing? As a parent, I mean?

I do. In this specific situation, I have to admit I feel that way.

So here's the predicament: the pacifier. Its the culprit, that tricky little no-good-can't-live-without-you piece of plastic. Sigh.

I know everyone has their own opinion, and of course there is that good ol' truth that 'every kid is different'...with that said, this is where I stand: I have a love-hate relationship with the pacifier. Well, more of a hate at this particular moment in time. V has had her pacifier since she was 2 weeks old. At first I gave it to her only if she got really fussy and at bedtime/naptime. Then I started only giving it to her when she went to bed/nap. (And occasionally in public if she got real fussy and it was close to nap time.) There have been so many times that I've been so thankful that she took a pacifier, but in the back of my mind I was dreading the day I had to take it away.

I really didn't want her to have it long, I knew that the sooner I took it away the better. Her use of it began with a need, more than a choice on my part. Like a lot of babies, Vienna found so much comfort in sucking when she was first born, it was a fight to get her to take a pacifier instead of her fingers (I knew fingers would be harder to wean her from...and since I was a thumb-sucker as a child, I wanted to spare her of this.) In the back of my mind I'd always told myself that I'd wean her of the pacifier by the time she was a year-old. Hopefully.

Every day with children is different, there is no two days the same, and I've learned that when you think you've got something down...they change on you. Like sleeping.

Er...maybe we never really had that down.

Regardless. At first it was the rocking....check, got over that obstacle. We were in a great groove. For awhile.

But then something else becomes an obstacle...like nursing. Getting up to eat more frequently than necessary. Okay, finally got over that one too...we're in the clear.

Wrong.
Next, it's the pacifier. I really feel like she is dependent on it out of habit now, instead of sole comfort and need. Some nights I can't count on one hand how many times I get up out of bed, walk to her room and stick the pacifier back in her mouth because she woke up without it in...then she'd instantly go back to sleep. Recently it's been quite an issue. Which made realize that maybe it was time to take it away. My theory was that if I could get her weaned off her pacifier then she wouldn't wake up wanting it, and could potentially sleep through the night. Well...it's a theory at least...I have yet to see it happen.
It's only been a couple days...but it has been two of the longest days of my life. And I am contemplating wether this is worth it or not. I keep telling myself if I just give up and try again later then I have wasted all of this effort and it's all been for nothing. Sigh.

It makes me wish she never had it in the first place.

To make matters worse, she is sick...has a icky snotty nose. At first I was going to give her the pacifier because the poor thing is sick and what terrible timing is it on my part to make her go through the weaning process...but then, her nose was so stuffy that she couldn't really suck on it anyway... so that made me think maybe this IS the time. But geez...I feel like a mean mommy. It's been rough, and I'm trying to tune into her needs and am finding it hard to distinguish between sickness and/or lack of pacifier and what to do. I have no idea what I'm doing...if I'm doing this right...if I should just forget it...or....what. I don't know. I'm starting to think my daughter just doesn't like to sleep. Ever.

8 comments:

WoRds/WoNDer said...

To answer your first question: Yes. All.the.time.

To answer the broader question about the paci: it's totally up to you. Kids do tend to regress slightly when they are sick but it sounds like she can't even enjoy the comfort if she is really stuffed up.

It's not like she's 3 & then you really have to cut it out but it sounds like you've made up your mind about now being a good time to wean & just need the encouragement to stick with it :)

WoRds/WoNDer said...

To answer your first question: Yes. All.the.time.

To answer the broader question about the paci: it's totally up to you. Kids do tend to regress slightly when they are sick but it sounds like she can't even enjoy the comfort if she is really stuffed up.

It's not like she's 3 & then you really have to cut it out but it sounds like you've made up your mind about now being a good time to wean & just need the encouragement to stick with it :)

Lisa said...

You can do it!! :-) We took Abe's nuk away when he was 9 months just because I set a time when it would happen...Abigail was going to be the same deal, but because of our small upstairs, I didn't stick with it and now, she's totally in love with it!! Take it away sooner than later then she won't remember! With Abraham, we gave him his sippy cup in his crib with water. As in, you're in the mood to suck, go ahead; you're thirsty, here you go. He quickly decided it wasn't worth waking up for water.

Any way, you're not a mean mom. Persevere!! :-)

Anonymous said...

You are not a mean mom! I think it's a good parent that feels like they don't know what they're doing. It means they're paying attention to what their child needs vs. what they want and trying to figure out and do what's best. That being said, it doesn't necessarily make you feel any better about it. I can't speak from any personal experience - none of my kids would take a pacifier, but you know your babe best. If you feel that now is the time to take it away, than now is the right time. Two days can feel like forever, but it will get better and sooner than you think. You're a great mom!
Leah

The Mohagen clan said...

a friend of mine gave me an idea - she said with her kids when it was time to get rid of the pacifier she clipped off the end of the plastic part a little bit - that way it wouldn't suck right and her kids would get frustrated and quit on her own within a week or so. I don't know if it works but for her 3 kids that worked for them. she said with one of them she had to keep cutting it shorter and shorter and because it wouldn't stay in the mouth then, they quit.

Good luck! parenting is a new challenge everyday!

Mommy Missionary said...

We took Grant's away cold turkey at 9 months. Jenna had hers longer, Abby longer, can't remember with the younger two. It's good to think about what to do, but BIG PICTURE, it doesn't matter. She'll give it up, she'll get over the sippy cup, she'll get potty trained, she'll grow into a young lady before you know it. You are great parents and are doing what you think it best. So you definitely are wise to think about it and work on it, just don't let it ruin these precious days.!
Oh, I sound old :) And i love the new header!

Unknown said...

I have no good advice for you. My kids refused to take a paci, although I practically begged them to suck on it for my own sanity. And I just asked Tryn to stop sucking her fingers and she did because she is awesome :). So...I'd say now is as good of a time as any ESPECIALLY if it is keeping you up at night. Don't give up! In a few weeks you will be saying, "Remember when...that sure sucked, so glad that is over!"

Unknown said...

You are right they are all different and I bet you are over this by the time I add my 2 cents but the one thing I am doing different with my third is ... ready for it? Cause it's funny... 'Stop listing so much to other people.' Hehe. It's funny cause here I am telling you that! But it's like, "Sleep on the back, not tummy, no on the back. Don't carry them to much, now lets all buy carriers so we can carry them ALL the time. Don't nurse them to sleep, oh wait, do it." Mostly the advice where it's don't because then they might want you too... good grief. Don't hold them because they might like it and want you too!?! Why did I have a baby in the first place? Partly because I wanted them to need-want-love me. Not just to send them out into the world to be their own person, strong and able. Although I want that to.