Afternoons

The fact that it takes two hours for Vienna to fall asleep for her afternoon nap is getting REALLY old. Cuz that's exactly what I want to do every afternoon is struggle with a crabby and tired little girl trying to tell her that naps are good, they are our friends...and she would feel much better if she'd just relax and give into them.

Ugh. Seriously. It leaves me so exhausted. I'm so tired of it. I really don't know what to do.

Will Vienna ever not have sleep issues? I mean...if it's not one thing its the other. Now that she sleeps through the night she's decided that naps are no good. I don't even know how long this has been going on for...I don't remember when it started. At first I thought it was just her teeth...she's been a teething machine for the past 2+ months. She's currently working on 2 of her molars...but I know when her teeth are bothering her, and this isn't teeth.

I've considered only putting her down for one nap a day...and tried, but that's no good either. She's so tired in the morning, her morning nap is hardly ever an issue...she conks right out usually around 9:00am and sleeps for about an hour, give or take. If I don't lay her down she's done by eleven o'clock and if I stretch it until noon or even 1 (unlikely) she only sleeps for an hour and that's it, and is crabby for the rest of the day.

So we try, and try, and try...for an afternoon nap. Most days she ends up taking it, just after a two hour struggle. She can be so tired before I try laying her down...but as soon as she knows its nap time she fights it. I've tried keeping her up longer and laying her down at a later time...but it's still a fight. I feel like I've tried everything...

Nap time begins with a little cuddling/rocking and song, I usually hold her until she's sleepy and lay her in her crib and will rub her back or face until she falls asleep. This process (in the morning) usually only take 10mins. Its a different story in the afternoon, she fights me the whole time I rock her...if I lay her down and try to rub her back she fights me. I've tried napping with her and laying with her but that's not effective either. I've tried crying...which makes it only worse. It gets to point where I feel like tossing her in her crib and hiding in my room underneath the blankets and crying, or freaking out myself. I'm not proud of the thought...I'm just being honest.

In the end she is usually so exhausted that I rock her (for the umpteenth time) and she passes out. Why can't she just do that in the beginning? She's so tired from the start, is all that middle stuff really necessary? Everyday I go into nap time optimistically and think, okay...I know she's tired, maybe if I just spend extra time in the beginning rocking her, or, laying with her until she's 100% sleeping, or etc. No matter how committed, or how much patience or how invested I am in her during nap time, nothing works.

My body is physically sore from rocking a 20 lb child all afternoon. I'm emotionally spent. And I feel so guilty that we go through this everyday...I feel like I'm scarring her for life or something. My mother told me I fought my naps when I was little...so I should, of all people, understand her. I understand the feeling of not being able to relax, it's difficult for me to sleep for that very reason, turning my mind off enough to rest. I understand the feeling of missing out, she's so go-go-go that I wonder if she thinks she's missing out on what's going on while she's in her room. I understand that...but yet, I don't know what to do about it.

Today, for instance, I tried from 1:45 until 3:45 when she finally fell asleep. In the end I'm resorting to venting my frustrations out on a blog post...

I would given anything for a big, comfy rocking chair.

And a piece of chocolate.

Dear Vienna,

A year ago today I met you for the first time. I will never forget it. I will never forget your birth, grabbing you and holding you to my chest for the first time. Your first moments of life where there, in my embrace, right where you belonged. I had waited so long to meet you and I couldn't even describe how happy I felt or how much love I instantly had for you. You were beautiful. You were perfect.

I had been up for 24+ hours, from start to finish labored naturally for 9 hours through the night and delivered you in water at 7:22 in the morning. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep a wink all day...I couldn't stop staring at you. I couldn't stop cuddling you, you were finally here and I was so incredibly in love.

I will never forget the way you fit perfectly in my arms. I will never forget your baby smell, your soft skin, or the way your lips fell open slightly while you slept. We had some long days and some even longer nights, but I wouldn't trade a single moment with you for anything. I would stare at you at night when I got up to feed you and think about how lucky I was to have you in my life. I am so thankful for you and will be eternally grateful for the privilege of being your mother.

I have loved watching you grow this first year of your life, all of your first moments and things you've conquered. I will always remember the way that you crawled with your one leg straight like you were ready to stand up and start walking, or that day when you took your first steps. I won't forget your little dance moves and how much you loved music. Or how you use to stick all of your fingers in your mouth, or how you'd laugh when you'd look at yourself in the mirror. I'll always remember when you first learned how to give kisses, when you became attached to your blankie and when you learned to say "Mama" for the first time. One of my most favorite things was to see how excited you got whenever you learned to do something new, I am so proud of you.

You are such a sweet girl, so happy and so expressive. I love that about you; how your smile is so contagious and how you light up when you're happy or excited about something. You are beautiful and so full of life and I cannot even begin to describe how much love I have for you in my heart. You are my baby girl, my miracle baby...my love.

Happy Birthday.

Love,

Mommy

Bittersweet

I have a good reason for my lack of blogging, it is called: getting things done that I have put off for months. Things like...finishing Vienna's dresser that has been sitting my room since August...waiting to be sanded and painted. I don't totally love doing that sort of thing, but I must not mind it to an extent because it takes time and effort that I obviously invested. Plus it was free, so maybe that was part of it. I would post pictures but I forgot to take "before" pictures of it, so without a before picture it really wouldn't be very impressive. I'm done, that's all that matters.

Moving on.

I cannot believe that January is closer to ending than it is to beginning, which means we are rapidly approaching the big #1 for Vienna. Pretty exciting. :)

She has changed so much the last two weeks, I can't hardly believe it. Since she has been born there have been a few moments where I've experienced this over-night-change in my daughter, but never this big. Andy came home from work one day and said, "Wow, she seems so much more grown-up all of the sudden." We both noticed how she suddenly became a very obvious little toddler. Everything has changed from the way she looks, talks, interacts and plays...it's so fun to experience and witness, but slightly sad that my baby isn't so much a baby.

A few things that are different: #1. Her blabber is starting to sound like real words, like she's trying to talk in a little voice, not just baby gurgle. Granted, she still makes noises like a little bird, or a parrot, or a bear...but more often she sounds like she is talking, just can't quite pronounce the words yet. So far she can say "Mom(my)" "Dad(dy)" "Hi" and "Bye," clearly.

2. Playing. This was huge. A couple weeks ago she would flitter around the entire house walking from one thing to the next, and on and on...she never stopped, playing with one thing for a few moments, then another, and carrying things around with her. I can't even count how many times in the last two weeks I've noticed her being really quiet in the other room, too quiet...like she's getting into something she's not suppose to. So I peak my head around the corner to find her sitting nicely, playing with toys. Yet, it surprises me every time...like I'm shocked that she isn't sticking her hand in the trash or touching a houseplant or something. Nope. she's playing. Like a sweet little girl. You can see her mind working...like she starting to use her imagination to make toys do things. Its really kind of neat.

Along with her change in playing...she has become fascinated with books. She loves to look at books. She has started bringing us books to read and will sit through several little stories. (Or more often, the same story...on repeat.)

3. I'm not sure what it is about her appearance that has changed, but she just looks different. Could be the way she walks. She's developed the need for speed...she loves to walk super fast- and be chased by daddy. Maybe her hair is longer...or she's just bigger...I don't know. Maybe I think she just looks different because I just brought out her 18mo. clothes, even though most of them are still quite large on her...regardless, she looks older.

4. Another huge thing is herinteraction with us. Initiating to play with certain things, or wanting something. Her little looks that she gives. Playing along with things. It's like you can see it in her face that...she's beginning to get it. She loves to give kisses and give hugs. It's so cute...I tickle/rub her back or her face to put her to sleep and if I stop and she wants me to keep doing it she puts her hand on me and will rub it back and forth. Maybe I'm spoiling her, but I keep doing it...those are some of my favorite moments with her.

Every time she grows I have to say it is bittersweet. It is so awesome to see her develop and to see her learn things and communicate, but it's kind of sad to know that she is never going to be a little baby again.

Celebrating

Is it too late to blog about Christmas? It would seem weird if I didn't mention it. So much preparation for a blur of craziness for a week, and then...it's over. Regardless, it was still great.

Celebrating Christmas was a week long event for us this year. Though crazy, I prefer to stretch the time out with our families like that so we can all actually spend time together, instead of a quick stop here and there inside of day to scarf down some food, say hi and open a present.

We started celebrating Christmas a week beforehand by having Grandpa Paul (Andy's dad) over to our house for a Christmas roast dinner, complete with oozing chocolate cake while we enjoyed the evening chatting and watching a movie.

Then, we journeyed north to Grandma (Andy's mom) and Grandpa Cliff's house to spend a couple days there. Andy and I got to go on a movie date while V spent a little quality time with Grandma. In the morning everyone came over, both of Andy's brother's, their wives and their babies. We made brunch for his family and spent the day chatting with everyone and watching the three grandkids play, and trying to fit in their naps. It was the first time all three grandkids were all together at the same time, it was good to see everyone and of course when there are babies in the room - it's a good time! :) We sat down for a nice meal then opened gifts. The babies drew names (okay, the parents did it for them) and Vienna received some adorable pink cowboy boots, brown flowery shoes and a super cute twirly skirt from her cousin Evan. And of course lots of gifts from Grandma and Grandpa Cliff, her favorite is a girly firetruck that she can push around and ride on. Andy and I also received a lot of generous gifts, and loved the chaos of wrapping paper and boxes thrown all over the living room floor. But the time with family went by far too quickly and I found myself wondering where the day had gone as everyone left that evening. The next day we left earlier than we intended to because we got lots of snow that night and it was continuing all day. Thankfully the roads weren't too bad on the two hour drive home.

So then it was back home for us for a few days. Andy had to work up through Christmas eve and we wanted to spend Christmas morning at our house. Vienna must've known because she got up at 6am on Christmas morning. We exchanged gifts as a family, Vienna had a blast checking out every item, box, bow and piece of wrapping paper, I think she carried around a pair of socks in her mouth for most of the morning. I wasn't sure how she'd react to the present we got her, a little toy piano, I assumed she wouldn't care about the toy itself and like the wrapping paper better. But when she opened it...well, you'll can see for yourself...

After breakfast and a little last minute work Andy had to do, we traveled, once again up north, to Oma and Opa's house (my parents.) Christmas is the one time of year every single member of my immediate family is all together at the same time. Everyone arrived that day, all 19 of us (I have four siblings, 3 of which are married and have kids)...all crammed in one house...for a couple of days. Regardless of how that might sound, I love it. We chit chat, play games, take the kids outside, eat good food, sip on some wine or baileys, and try not to argue. lol. Just kidding, kind of. ;) The morning after we all arrived we woke up and had the kids gift exchange. They draw names and each have a present to open from someone. Then it's breakfast and dinner preparations. I do have to say that Christmas dinner this year was phenomenal. Everything from the turkey, to the sweet potatoe pie, whiskey glazed carrots...right down to the green bean casserole...it was delicious. My brother's comment: "When you make noises while you're eating, you know its good!" Unfortunately I didn't let Vienna indulge in the tasty dinner because when I let her experience thanksgiving, she was up screaming that night with gas pains. So she stuck to more simple food...like sweet potatoes without all the added yumminess (like butter and sugar). She did get to savor the turkeythough.

Anyways, after putting the kids to bed we had an adult gift exchange. For years we have each drawn a name prior to Christmas (parents included) girls draw girl names, boys draw boy names, and then when we exchange them and take turns watching each other open their present. Two things I love about this: first, I love being able to put more thought into the gift I give...and second, I love watching each person open their gift, especially this year - my sister Heidi was pretty excited about what I got her. :) Makes me happy. Andy received a hunting knife (which he is now obsessed with) and a cool sweater from my brother Nathan. And my sister Kayla gave me a string of pearls (which she scored an insanely good deal on) and a super cute shirt.

And then there's one more day, it's tradition - not sure why, but the day after we celebrate Christmas, the "kids" go out. A little shopping for the girls while the guys go to a movie. In the past Oma and Opa have watched the grandkids, but seeing that there are now 8 of them, 3 being babies, we took turns going out...the guys watched the kids while the girls shopped in the morning, then everyone met up for lunch...the girls took the kids home and then it was guys turn for a movie. It was a busy day! Considering my parents live an hour away from town...two hours were spent just driving.

And then the next day it was home.

And to top it off, that week alone Vienna popped in two more teeth. Which involved, but was not limited to, two days of a fever, and three very long sleepless nights.

*sigh* I'm spent. Aren't you?