Finley's Birth Story

I had a feeling that the baby was going to come a little early. I kept telling myself not to get my hopes set on it...but I just knew that he was going to come before his due date.

Finley was born a week early.

We were planning a home water birth...everything was ready, I was excited. I was feeling good and entirely anxious to meet my little boy. A good week or more before he was born I started having contractions every single night around 6pm and lasting until 9-10pm. Sometimes they were 5-10 minutes apart, but mostly they were sporadic. They were definitely laboring type contractions but they didn't really hurt--they mostly just felt super crampy. It was frustrating to constantly think I was going into labor, but on the other hand it was nice to make progress without actually being in labor. On Tuesday, the 12th, I started having contractions around 2pm on my way home from my sister-in-laws house, which was different because I never really had any during the day. They were coming frequently but besides their onset being a bit harder they were exactly the same type of contractions I'd been experiencing every other night. I took a nap thinking that they'd stop. They didn't. And at 6pm I started timing them and noticed they were aprox. 10 mins apart. I had a feeling this was it, but there was something inside of me that kept doubting it because...well, labor was suppose to be more uncomfortable than what I was feeling.

At my last checkup (the day before) my cervix was 5cm dilated and 80% effaced. The baby's head was sitting at station +2. He was ready to come out!

I was ready for him to come out. :)

My midwife lives an hour away. And my doula lives 2 hours away. But before I notified either of them I wanted to be sure this was the real thing, so I tested it. I went for a walk, and the contractions kept up their steady pattern. Good sign. I hopped in the shower, and the contractions never slowed. Another good sign. The other days when I thought I was in labor doing either of these two things would cause them to slow or stop. Not that day. This was it. I just knew it. So around 8pm I called Teri, my doula, who also has been one of my closet friends for the past 15 years. I told her what was going on and she decided to come right away. I also texted (yes, texted) my midwife and gave her a heads up that things were starting and that I'd call when things picked up a bit.

So I waited. My heart was pumping. This was happening!

Andy and I prepped our room for birth; we were excited that it was finally happening but knew that the night ahead could be long so after we got everything set up we tried to rest a bit, and waited. The contractions were extremely easy to manage...but they were entirely weird. At this point they were aprox. 5 minutes apart--but every other one was so light and mild that I actually had to feel my stomach to make sure I was having one. Because of the lack of that distinct labor pain it was easy to just disregard the crampy/pressure feeling I was having which made it difficult for me to time as I walked and moved around the house. The stronger contractions lasted longer and I'd pause to lean forward through them--not out of necessity but because I knew my cervix was back behind the baby's head and that it needed to come forward. I was expecting things to pick up quickly, I was expecting things to get more intense...but they didn't. At all. So I waited. And I felt confused--I knew this was it, yet it just didn't really feel like labor to me.

("in labor")

My midwife called me at about 10:30pm and I explained to her everything that was going on. She decided to come right away and see what was happening. Since I was progressed so far at my appointment the day before she didn't want to just send me to bed and take the chance that I'd suddenly wake up because my water broke and be ready to push...and she was still an hour away. You never know with labor--things can happen quickly. Or they might not. And since my labor was being so casual it was impossible to predict where I was.

Teri got to our house around 11pm. It was kind of funny because she expected me to be in hard labor when she got there...I had expected that too--yet things hadn't really changed. Just crampy contractions that kept doing their own thing. It was hard to tell exactly what their pace was because their power was so inconsistent (like I mentioned before) so if I wasn't paying attention I'd have one and not note the time. But from what I could tell I was having powerful ones every 10mins, and 1-2 extremely mild ones in-between. It was hard to tell if it was 1 or 2 because they lasted awhile and there wasn't much of a lull in-between them. So it was either one long one that almost double-peaked (if that's possible) or two shorter ones, back to back. So you can tell how hard of a time I had saying my contractions were ___mins apart because they were more like this: contraction...3 mins later--contraction...2 mins later--contraction....5 minutes later--contraction... etc.

Andy and I went for a walk to see if anything would change. It was kind of a fun moment for us as we walked down the road in the pitch black, looking at the stars, marveling at the fact that we were going to be meeting our son soon. But unfortunately the walk didn't change anything, I still just kept contracting the same... And I felt twitchy for some reason, like my muscles couldn't relax. I just kept shaking my arms because I didn't like the feeling in them. It was like a surge of this weird feeling would come over me in-between contractions--I literally can't describe it, it was so bizarre. This made me wonder if I was in transition or something--even though I knew I wasn't. The end of labor was suppose to hurt a lot more than this. In fact, labor was suppose to hurt more than this...it just all threw me for a loop. I never actually thought I'd wish for labor pains, but at that point I just wanted to feel something that told me "yes! this is hard labor...this is happening...lets get this party started."

(waiting...)
By the time Ruth and Sonya (midwives) got to our house, about 12:30am on the Wednesday the 13th, nothing still had changed.  Except my frustration. She checked me and my cervix had progressed to 6cm, only slightly more effaced, maybe 85%, and had come up around the baby's head quite a bit. Obviously the contractions were doing something, just really slowly. I was in labor....yet...I wasn't--if that makes any sense at all. We went over my options... 1. Since I was so far progressed I could have my water broke to speed things up. Or, 2. We could all go to bed for a couple hours and see what happened.

I chose option 2. I really didn't want to have my water broke and laying down for a couple of hours sounded really nice. I was tired and frustrated, and feeling like I didn't want to take the risk at that time. They gave me a homeopathic remedy to help me sleep and I went to bed. I was pretty well relaxed for a couple hours, though I actually never really slept solid. I dozed off for a few minutes here and there but I just couldn't sleep. It was mostly the activity of everything that had been going on that kept me awake. Plus I was still having contractions--though in a different circumstance I probably would have been able to sleep through them, I just couldn't. The shakiness I kept feeling was irritating...it kept making my legs twitch which made it impossible to doze off completely. Finally I had enough of lying down--I noticed at this point how tense I was. I wasn't ready to have my water broke yet and I decided that I needed just a ltitle bit of time to calm myself and concentrate on relaxing--maybe I'd get lucky and things would pick up. I put my headphones in with a birth hypnosis recording that I had practiced relaxing to during pregnancy--mainly to help me sleep. I moved into the nursery and sat in the big comfy rocking chair, propped myself up with pillows and listened to the recording. I became very relaxed and just let my body do what it was doing...and to stop trying to figure it out. Interestingly when I did this I became very in-tune with what was going on in my body, and noted that those twitchy surges I was experiencing was a rush of hormones that coursed through me before each contraction hit. I was able to completely relax--mentally, physically and emotionally...and I labored there for quite awhile somewhere in-between the state of being awake and being asleep.

Everyone woke up around 6:30am. I was still in my chair. I felt bad that my labor was being so pokey and that they had to sleep on couches...so I was thankful that very one said they slept good. I gave everyone an update--which wasn't really an update at all because nothing had changed. Ruth checked me and my cervix was now at 7cm, pretty much entirely thinned out and had completely come all the way up over the baby's head. This was good progress--now all I had to do was finish opening up. It was just taking so long. I can't complain that my body was progressing with not much effort on my part--except for the fact that it was making me sleep deprived and as a result had zero energy. It'd been well over 12hrs of this...how much longer was it going to be? We went over my options. I knew that I had no way to predict how things were going to go. With the latent path my labor was taking I could very well labor like that for another whole day for all I knew...without sleep. Since I couldn't rest and since I was so far progressed the choice was obvious. I felt confident and peaceful about the decision now...it was time to break my water.

But, first I ate breakfast. Haha! :) Actually, we all did. Andy made eggs for everyone quick and I knew I needed to charge my body with nutrition to give me energy for what was coming. I was so hungry, I scarfed down breakfast by myself in my room, trying to wrap my head around what was about to happen.

(getting things started)

Ruth broke my water at about 8:00am. She told me to walk around to help get things going. By the time I moved from my bed where they broke my water to the front door I had a contraction. It hurt! (Yes...you're not seeing things...that is an exclamation point.) It didn't hurt that badly, but it had that distinct labor pain and in all honesty it just felt good to actually feel something that actually felt like labor--it made it real. Andy and I walked in a loop up and down our driveway. It was quite chilly outside, but it felt really good and totally energized me. As we walked we talked, he had his arm around me the whole time and the contractions picked up in no time. It didn't take long before I had to stop and lean against him through each of them. I moved inside and labored on a birthing ball for what felt like a really long time...it was only 20 mins. Even though my contractions were steadily coming every 3-5 minutes or so (I'm not really sure, I wasn't timing them) I felt like they were more effective when I had been walking, so Andy and I went back outside and walked some more. They built quickly and by the end of our second walk instead of just leaning into him through the contraction I would hang on him and move my hips side to side to help relieve some of the discomfort.

I didn't keep track of time at all. I just focused on what I needed to do to get myself through labor. I hadn't really decided whether or not I was going to listen to the hypnosis birthing recording that I had downloaded but I popped the headphones back in my ears and turned up the recording loudly so that was all I could hear, and labored. Surprisingly the recording was extremely helpful and I was able to sink further and further into a relaxed state. I took one contraction at a time and instead of tensing up at their onset I relaxed further and focused on my breathing. They hurt, but they were quite manageable and I found that changing positions was extremely helpful. I liked to be on my knees a lot, leaning against Andy as he sat on the bed and swaying my hips back and forth. Squatting was also quite helpful, they both relieved a lot of the discomfort. I kept having the urge to get in the tub, but I wanted to "save" it because I knew things were going to get more intense and hopefully the water would be a bigger source of ease to my body. So I kept waiting, thinking that I could still handle the contractions where I was for now...

(hard labor)

(breathing through contractions)

(yes, those are fish on the side of my birth tub...)

The baby wasn't posterior or anything, but I was feeling a lot of the contractions in my lower back. And when the pain got really sharp I finally decided that I'd like to be in the tub. It was heaven! The warm water felt so good and soothed my body. It relieved some of the discomfort, soothed my back, and aided in staying relaxed.

Like they do, the contractions kept building, they built gradually but they were extremely hard and I knew that I was in transition. It started getting harder to stay relaxed. I cannot even describe how much the recording in my ears helped me. Half the time it was just there--playing; the other half of the time I was listening to it intently. There were key words that really helped me to relax when it was most hardest to--sayings like: "surrender," "opening up," "your body is doing exactly what it needs to do to birth your baby." Cheesy? Maybe. But I don't really care...it was so helpful that I managed to get through most of transition staying limp and relaxed and letting my body work freely to do what it needed to do.

(in transition)

In transition my body started twitching, uncontrollably. A strong contraction would hit and it would stop, but as soon as it was over I started shaking again. It would start slowly and then build and build as my limbs spasmed in the water. I got really irritated with it. It made it really hard to remain relaxed because I couldn't keep my body still and there was a feeling of restlessness coursing through me. Mentally I knew I was in transition, I'd read that a lot of women can experience shaking (among other things) during transition, but since I didn't experience anything like that in my previous labor, I was totally caught off guard. If I could describe the feeling, it was like experiencing that restless leg syndrome...except x100 and all over.  I was so aware of everything. Which, again, was entirely different than transition with Vienna--I was pretty much in a state of delusion with her that I almost felt drunk. With this labor I was entirely alert, and extremely emotional...I felt overwhelming surges of hormones come over my body that I literally almost let out loud sobs as it peaked out of sheer emotion. I held it in, I was afraid if I let the noise escape I would lose it entirely. I managed to stay calm and relaxed through most of it, though it took extreme concentration and mind power to do so. Things were getting extremely uncomfortable and I was starting to let my brain go down the path of the fact that I just really, really, really wanted to be done. I wanted a break. It was hard work to stay relaxed and I was tired. I wanted to sleep. I wanted it to be over. The ear buds fell out as I moved positions and I didn't bother putting them back in. This was it--this was the end--I started feeling that pushing/pressure sensation and it was hard to find relief during the contractions. At the tail end of transition there I didn't have much control out of the noise that came out of my mouth. I had remained mostly silent throughout labor, but as my body was finishing opening up I couldn't help but moan and groan through those contractions. The very end of dilation was hard...the pain, my mental state, my exhaustion. I had to pee...I knew I was almost ready to push but I had this overwhelming urge to relieve myself. Or maybe I just really wanted to change positions...I'm not sure. But Andy helped me out of the tub and I moved to the bathroom. On the way back I had a contraction and was suddenly hit with overwhelming urge to push. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't tried so hard not to push I probably could have had the baby right there on my bedroom floor. Instead, I fought it and just hung from Andy's arms as he entirely supported my weight from behind and I made lovely labor noises--waiting for the contraction to end. I hurried back in the tub and knew it was time for business--I just really wanted to be done though. If a person could quit labor, I would've up and quit right there. The midwife checked me to make sure I was fully dilated and that there was no lip of the cervix left around the baby's head. There wasn't. It was time for me to push my baby out.

(the end of transition)

(time to push...)

Pushing was, by far, the hardest part for me. For some women its the easiest. But for me, in both my labors, I hated pushing. I don't know what it is about the sensation that terrifies me, but instinctively I think I try not to push--it's just so unnatural. Of course, it actually feels better to push, but it took me long enough to fully realize that...again. I was reclining in the tub at first and it didn't take me long to decide that there was no way that position was going to work for me. It was extremely uncomfortable so I moved to my knees. It was a mental battle at this point, I really just wanted to be done with labor but obviously I wasn't--I wanted to give up. I basically had a mental prep talk with myself and told myself to get it together...I could either fight it and let it drag out because I didn't want to do it, or I could work with my body and end it. It was at that time that I remembered pushing with Vienna for an hour and half and I decided that right then and there I was NOT going to push for that long again. I was getting this baby out...NOW.

(I'm surprised Andy's shirt never ripped.)

Andy was outside of the tub and I was kneeling holding onto his shoulders when I decided to try squatting. It was the preferred position and when each contraction hit I moved into a squat and pushed. The feeling was so intense and so hard and all I could do was try my hardest to use each contraction to its full potential. I pulled on Andy's shirt as I pushed and he held me. Giving me strength, and reminding me to slow my breathing and relax in-between the contractions. When I finally worked with my body instead of against it, it didn't take long to get the baby out. With one contraction specifically I felt the baby move significantly and begin to crown. The sensation was extremely encouraging as I realized much progress I just made with one push and suddenly I got really excited. Instinctively, I reached down to feel his head and realized that he was almost out--I was almost done! I kept my hand on his head--honestly I was thinking that I would keep my hand there so that he didn't go back in--he was coming out now if I had anything to do with it and I was going to keep my hand there to make sure it happened! Haha. The things you think in the midst of labor. Regardless, with the next push his head was born and I held it there in my hand--it was entirely electrifying and exciting and it gave me the boost and stamina I needed to finish. After feeling him I wasn't feeling the pain anymore...I just wanted to hold him in my arms. His shoulders were born and the rest of him slipped out and I caught him in my hands, sat down and held him to my chest. It was an amazing moment! My baby boy was here--I caught him--it was over!

(meeting our son!)

I cannot even describe the feeling of seeing and holding my child for the first time--it is so incredibly amazing and unforgettable. All the hormones and emotions that surge at that moment is just so powerful as I made that first physical connection with my baby. I leaned back against the tub and held my squirmy little boy to my skin. He was entirely beautiful and perfect and it felt so good to hold him!!!

Finley was born at 12:17pm. He pinked up almost instantly. He weighed exactly 7lbs and was 20 inches long. One of the first things I noticed about him was how long his eyelashes were. He was perfect.

As I look back on my labor there's a few things that stand out to me. The biggest one being my son. I didn't realize this at the time, Andy was the one who noted it, but all throughout labor Finley's heartbeat stayed incredibly even. Andy said every time they checked it it was right at the 144 mark...even when I was pushing. Apparently when they checked it while I was pushing one of the midwives said: "Well, baby certainly doesn't mind the pushing!" He never felt stressed. He was strong, easy going, and calm all through labor.  There are several things I can relate to my labor with Vienna in comparison to her personality. And the same goes for Finely's birth as well. At one point Ruth made a comment when I was in labor about it being an "easy labor." Jokingly I whirled around and exclaimed "Easy?! It doesn't feel easy." In which she made another comment about how she meant that the labor was "easy going"--the baby was taking it easy on his momma. I thought about that for awhile while I labored and realized she was right. He was taking it easy on me. Look at the way labor started...I basically wasn't even in labor, yet he was working on his way out. All throughout pregnancy I felt like this baby was easy going...labor showed that...and so far in his two weeks of life on earth Finely has proven that. Labor was hard, it's never easy...but it did have an easy-going sense about it...it went simply, relaxed, and smooth. After my water was broke my labor only lasted 4hrs & 44mins--and that included the half hour of pushing and the good twenty minutes or so between catching Finely in my arms and birthing the placenta. It's hard to say how long my labor really was...because when do you start counting it? After it was all over Ruth asked me when I thought labor actually started...and in all honesty I didn't really feel like I was in labor until they broke my water. And it wasn't until then that I started having consistent steady contractions. So I could either look at it and say that I had a short labor of 4hrs & 44mins, or that I had a long labor of a good 18-22ish hours--depending on how you count when my contractions started considering they were kind of always inconsistent that whole night before.

Yeah, exactly. I don't really have an answer either.

The other thing I wanted to note about labor was how, again, I couldn't have done it without Andy. When the contractions started getting hard all I wanted was for him to be by me and to feel his touch. Even if he simply just put his hand on me, that was enough. He didn't have to say anything, he didn't have do anything, but I couldn't have done it without him...his presence meant everything to me and gave me the strength to get through it.

I am so thankful that my labor went smoothly and that Finley was born healthy. Even though it was hard, I really wouldn't birth any other way. Experiencing it, feeling it, knowing that I was doing exactly what I was created to do is entirely powerful and extremely rewarding. And I have to note that birthing at home is so much more relaxing than birthing in the hospital. The whole atmosphere is different and relaxed, it was entirely stress free. We got to make the decisions, I was free to move around and do what I wanted, eat when I was hungry, etc. And I can't even describe how good it felt to crawl into my own bed after labor was over...and have all the luxuries and comforts of home those first few days.

But, I can honestly say that at the end of labor I was just entirely glad that it was over. I instantly remembered why (after Vienna was born) I felt like there was no way I could ever do that again. Because I totally felt like that again. Yet I did do it. And already, with Finely only two weeks old, that feeling has diminished significantly. It's so crazy how a woman can remember details of birthing her children for years and years and years...yet we forget so easily that feeling of just how intense it really is. 

Intense indeed. But this tiny little human is worth every stretch mark, sleepless night and painful contraction. I wouldn't change a thing.

"People talk about how painful contractions are because they're so strong. But what we want women to know is that the strength of that contraction is the strength of their own bodies. They are as strong as the contraction is. And so they are able to manage it."  -unknown

"Childbirth is fundamentally a spiritual, as well as a physical, achievement...The birth of a child is the ultimate perfection of human love."   -Grantly Dick-Read